The Brink of Sanity and the Shadow of Humanity
by Inuobsessed004
Summary: There comes a breaking point in most human lives when you realize that you are indeed insane.  That everything you do is for naught and everything you see is not real.   The question becomes whether to accept this false reality, or claim your own. Yaoi


There comes a breaking point in most human lives when you realize that you are indeed insane. That everything you do is for naught and everything you see is not real. The question becomes whether to accept this false reality, or claim your own.

I have taken into account many things in my plane of being. Perhaps this continued existence is in itself not real, perhaps they were right. Maybe I'm not a human, a being with a heart. Maybe I don't deserve to live. But is this constant state of unknowing really living?

Being the first led me to a multitude of questions and most of them lie unanswered. I cannot tell what the point of my nonexistence is. I cannot tell whether the completion of Kingdom Hearts will restore my body. I cannot tell if I am sane.

I start to wonder if I was sane before I lost my heart or if these memories are all lies. Are they my memories to begin with? Did I wield a keyblade? Did I have friends at one point or another? Was I indeed an apprentice of Ansem?

As I shift through the questions I find myself in the place I started. I wonder about my sanity. I find myself communicating with Kingdom Hearts more than other people. I whisper my secrets to armor that cannot talk back. I even avoid the other members and hide out in my office.

Am I searching for something? An answer to a riddle that has been lying in front of me? Will I be forever? Do nobodies even die? If so, where will we go? Will I become Xemnas or will I become Xehanort once more? Will I retain the memories of my time as a nobody or will it all be some kind of dream I needed to wake from?

::::::::::::

I sat alone in my office. The gentle ticking of the clock on the wall and the occasional scratch of my pen against the paper were the only sounds. It seemed to be endless, the routine I had cornered myself into. I do not blink, I do not breathe, and my body does not need those things. I had given up my habits long ago.

Number IV complains I'm scaring the others with my rants and mumblings. I would be angry at a subordinate telling me what to do but it's IV. IV is saying that I am insane, when he himself is the picture-perfect mad scientist. Even was no better, maybe if he never joined Ansem's group the whole heart fiasco would have never happened. But that's idle thought, what's done is done. I'm now a heartless and soulless creature incapable of remorse.

I look up at the clock, it's almost midnight. I look down at my pile of finished papers and push my chair away, not sensing the fatigue of a human body. I no longer get tired. I am becoming more and more like the dusks the others ridicule.

I find myself opening a portal and wishing it would bring me to a more interesting place. The World That Never Was is depressing at best, even for one without emotions. The Dark City and swarms of random heartless are hardly nice to look at. I walk through without hesitation into a world newly created. I look around from the rooftop of a large building onto a town bustling with life and humans busy with their own problems. I secretly wish to be among them, with some sort of purpose to fuel my actions.

I sit on the ledge, my feet dangling over the side and my gaze intent on the humans moving around. So many hearts in one place. It would take one snap of my fingers to summon a portal and plunge this safe-world, created from the failings of others, into darkness. I suddenly sense something and stand erect again, my eyes scanning the area for the source of the disturbance. I find the source, a creature sitting on top of a rooftop opposite myself, staring back at me with glowing gold eyes.

I do not feel fear for I cannot feel anything at all; I simply stare back, wondering what the creature with leathery wings and a tattered red cloak want with me. Why am I so interesting? I open up a portal and disappear into it. The portal reopens behind the creature. I find myself in a state of puzzlement. I must find the answer to its interest. I am nothing, I am a nobody, and I should be of no interest to anything.

I am greeted by the creature whirling around and its wings spreading out in a defensive stance. I do not draw my weapons; I have no wish to kill it. The atmosphere is charged with energy and a human would have stepped back, ran and fled when the creature snarled and flapped its wings in a threatening display. I did no such thing; I merely looked back into the mirror- the creature I find myself becoming, an inhuman thing afraid of change, and most of all afraid of others like itself.

I simply ask one question, the one anyone should ask to start a conversation, "Who are you?"

The creature snarls a reply, "Chaos."

And thus that's how we met.


End file.
